Alfonso the Code Warrior

A collection of coder and general computer jokes to rival the finest.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

If GM followed in Microsoft's Footsteps

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If G.M. had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving twenty-five dollar cars that got one-thousand miles to the
gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating, "If G.M. had developed technology like Microsoft, we
would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy
a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
you would just accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a manner such as a left turn, would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
"Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable,
five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would but would only
run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would be
replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9.The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. G.M. would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
Rand McNally road maps (now a G.M. subsidiary), even though they neither
need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by fifty percent or
more. Moreover, G.M. would become a target for investigation by the
Justice Department.

12. Every time G.M. introduced a new model, car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.


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